Gracie Allen
One of my favorite comedians was Gracie Allen. Gracie Allen was born Grace Cecile Rosalie Allen in San Francisco in 1895 To Margaret (Darraugh) and George Allen Her father toured the vaudeville circuit as a song and dance man, and at the age of three or four she appeared in his act dressed in a top hat and suit. In 1922 she met George Burns and the unique talent of Gracie Allen to be unconsciously funny made the Burns and Allen the greatest husband and wife comedy team of all time. Some of their most famous lines are below:
George: Did you ever hear that silence is golden?
Gracie: No, what station are they on?
George: It's an adage, you know what an adage is?
Gracie: Oh sure, that's where you keep your old trunks.
George: Do you like to love?
Gracie: No.
George: Do you like to kiss?
Gracie: No.
George: What do you like?
Gracie: Lamb chops.
George: A little girl like you, can you eat two big lamb chops alone?
Gracie: No, but with potatoes I could.
Gracie: Did you know my brother was held up by two men last night?
George: For how much?
Gracie: Oh, all the way home!
George: You're absolutely brilliant. I'm beginning to think you are a wizard.
Gracie: I'm a wizard?
George: Yes. You know what a wizard is.
Gracie: Yes, a snowstorm.
George: Well, if that's a snowstorm, then what's a blizzard?
Gracie: A blizzard is the inside of a chicken. Anybody knows that.
George: Then if that's a blizzard, what's a lizard?
Gracie: A lizard is a man that's smart... A genius.
George: Did something happen to you when you were a baby?
Gracie: When I was born I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
George: Gracie what do you think of television?
Gracie: I think it's wonderful- I hardly ever watch radio anymore.
Gracie: I'll never forget the night I had to call the doctor for my cousin Marie...she got up in the middle of the night and gave the biggest scream you ever heard.
George: What happened?
Gracie: We looked down and her feet had turned black.
George: What did you do?
Gracie: We sent for the doctor.
George: What did the doctor do?
Gracie: He took off her stockings and we all went back to sleep again.
Gracie: Blanche, I heard some gossip about you from a woman.
Blanche: Oh, what was it?
Gracie: I don't remember- I forgot it the minute I told it to her.
Jana Ruth
Author of "Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label Humor and Laughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor and Laughter. Show all posts
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Funny Quotes
I'm apathetic and I don't care.
Graffiti
I'm marching to a different kettle of fish.
Graffiti
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Cher
The surest way to be alone is to get married.
Gloria Steinem
The difference between owning a book and borrowing a book is that when you own it you can get food on it.
Susan Catherine
Life is a glorious cycle of song.
A medley of extemporania:
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania
Dorothy Parker
You should always believe all you read in the newspapers, as this makes them more interesting.
Rose Macaulay
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton
There's not much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.
Gracie Allen
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
Mae West
Before the Iraq War started, a friend of mine proposed that Bush and Hussein go off to a small room together. I figured she'd say that the two of them should just slug it out. But no, she suggested that they go into the room, close the door, pull down their pants, and compare penis sizes. Whoever's was bigger, would be declared the winner and everybody could go home.
Ellen Orleans
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com
I'm apathetic and I don't care.
Graffiti
I'm marching to a different kettle of fish.
Graffiti
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Cher
The surest way to be alone is to get married.
Gloria Steinem
The difference between owning a book and borrowing a book is that when you own it you can get food on it.
Susan Catherine
Life is a glorious cycle of song.
A medley of extemporania:
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania
Dorothy Parker
You should always believe all you read in the newspapers, as this makes them more interesting.
Rose Macaulay
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton
There's not much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.
Gracie Allen
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
Mae West
Before the Iraq War started, a friend of mine proposed that Bush and Hussein go off to a small room together. I figured she'd say that the two of them should just slug it out. But no, she suggested that they go into the room, close the door, pull down their pants, and compare penis sizes. Whoever's was bigger, would be declared the winner and everybody could go home.
Ellen Orleans
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com
Sunday, October 07, 2007
The Twelve Pathways
In 1972 The Twelve Pathways were created by Ken Keyes, Jr,. author of "The Hundredth Monkey, and "How to Enjoy Your Life In Spite of It All," and other books. The The Twelve Pathways is just as valuable today as it was in 1972 that is why I am sharing it with you and excited about it. These Pathways are a modern, practical condensation of thousands of accumulated wisdom.
Many of the concepts in The Twelve Pathways are similar to the concepts from The Secret. they relate to the Law of Attraction. The concept that you create your reality with your thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings that create our behavior. You are the creator of your life.
It is highly suggested that you use The Twelve Pathways in interpreting your moment-to-moment stream of consciousness. By doing so it can lead you into higher consciousness and enable you to find the love, happiness, wisdom, and fulfillment that is your birthright in life.
To benefit the most from The Twelve Pathways, memorize them word perfectly. Memorizing them is the best way to have them readily available when you need them. By memorizing them you will not have to paraphrase or put them in other words. Each of The Pathways is loaded with several systematically interlocking concepts that help you create a more harmonious enjoyment of your life.
The Twelve Pathways
Freeing Myself
1. I am freeing myself from security, sensation and power addictions that make me try to forcefully control situations in my life, and thus destroy my serenity and keep me from loving myself and others.
2. I am discovering how my consciousness dominating addictions create my illusory version of the changing world of people and situations around me.
3. I welcome the opportunity (even if painful) that my minute-to-minute experience offers me to become aware of the addictions I must reprogram to be liberated from my robot-like emotional patterns.
Be Here Now
4. I always remember that I have everything I need to enjoy my here and now- unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.
5. I take fully responsibility here and now for everything I experience, for it is my own programming that creates my actions and influences the reactions of people around me.
6. I accept myself completely here and now consciously experience everything I feel, think, say, and do (including my emotion-backed addictions) as a necessary part of my growth into higher consciousness
Interacting With Others
7. I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keeps me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.
8. I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.
9. I act freely when I am tuned in, centered, and loving, but if possible I avoid acting when I am upset and depriving myself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.
Discovering My Conscious Awareness
10. I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to perceive the finer energies that enable me to intuitively merge with everything around me.
11. I am constantly aware of which of the Seven Centers of Consciousness ( 1. The Security Center, 2. The Sensation Center, 3. The Power Center, 4. The Love Center, 5. The Cornucopia Center, 6. The Conscious Awareness Center, 7. The Cosmic Consciousness Center), I am using, and I feel my energy, perceptiveness, love, and inner peace growing as I open all the Centers of Consciousness.
12. I am perceiving everyone, including myself as an awakening being who is here to claim his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.
I believe that if we all followed The Twelve Pathways, we would find a happier, healthier, and more Laughing World.
Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
janabanana15@cox.net
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com/
In 1972 The Twelve Pathways were created by Ken Keyes, Jr,. author of "The Hundredth Monkey, and "How to Enjoy Your Life In Spite of It All," and other books. The The Twelve Pathways is just as valuable today as it was in 1972 that is why I am sharing it with you and excited about it. These Pathways are a modern, practical condensation of thousands of accumulated wisdom.
Many of the concepts in The Twelve Pathways are similar to the concepts from The Secret. they relate to the Law of Attraction. The concept that you create your reality with your thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings that create our behavior. You are the creator of your life.
It is highly suggested that you use The Twelve Pathways in interpreting your moment-to-moment stream of consciousness. By doing so it can lead you into higher consciousness and enable you to find the love, happiness, wisdom, and fulfillment that is your birthright in life.
To benefit the most from The Twelve Pathways, memorize them word perfectly. Memorizing them is the best way to have them readily available when you need them. By memorizing them you will not have to paraphrase or put them in other words. Each of The Pathways is loaded with several systematically interlocking concepts that help you create a more harmonious enjoyment of your life.
The Twelve Pathways
Freeing Myself
1. I am freeing myself from security, sensation and power addictions that make me try to forcefully control situations in my life, and thus destroy my serenity and keep me from loving myself and others.
2. I am discovering how my consciousness dominating addictions create my illusory version of the changing world of people and situations around me.
3. I welcome the opportunity (even if painful) that my minute-to-minute experience offers me to become aware of the addictions I must reprogram to be liberated from my robot-like emotional patterns.
Be Here Now
4. I always remember that I have everything I need to enjoy my here and now- unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.
5. I take fully responsibility here and now for everything I experience, for it is my own programming that creates my actions and influences the reactions of people around me.
6. I accept myself completely here and now consciously experience everything I feel, think, say, and do (including my emotion-backed addictions) as a necessary part of my growth into higher consciousness
Interacting With Others
7. I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keeps me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.
8. I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.
9. I act freely when I am tuned in, centered, and loving, but if possible I avoid acting when I am upset and depriving myself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.
Discovering My Conscious Awareness
10. I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to perceive the finer energies that enable me to intuitively merge with everything around me.
11. I am constantly aware of which of the Seven Centers of Consciousness ( 1. The Security Center, 2. The Sensation Center, 3. The Power Center, 4. The Love Center, 5. The Cornucopia Center, 6. The Conscious Awareness Center, 7. The Cosmic Consciousness Center), I am using, and I feel my energy, perceptiveness, love, and inner peace growing as I open all the Centers of Consciousness.
12. I am perceiving everyone, including myself as an awakening being who is here to claim his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.
I believe that if we all followed The Twelve Pathways, we would find a happier, healthier, and more Laughing World.
Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
janabanana15@cox.net
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com/
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