Gracie Allen
One of my favorite comedians was Gracie Allen. Gracie Allen was born Grace Cecile Rosalie Allen in San Francisco in 1895 To Margaret (Darraugh) and George Allen Her father toured the vaudeville circuit as a song and dance man, and at the age of three or four she appeared in his act dressed in a top hat and suit. In 1922 she met George Burns and the unique talent of Gracie Allen to be unconsciously funny made the Burns and Allen the greatest husband and wife comedy team of all time. Some of their most famous lines are below:
George: Did you ever hear that silence is golden?
Gracie: No, what station are they on?
George: It's an adage, you know what an adage is?
Gracie: Oh sure, that's where you keep your old trunks.
George: Do you like to love?
Gracie: No.
George: Do you like to kiss?
Gracie: No.
George: What do you like?
Gracie: Lamb chops.
George: A little girl like you, can you eat two big lamb chops alone?
Gracie: No, but with potatoes I could.
Gracie: Did you know my brother was held up by two men last night?
George: For how much?
Gracie: Oh, all the way home!
George: You're absolutely brilliant. I'm beginning to think you are a wizard.
Gracie: I'm a wizard?
George: Yes. You know what a wizard is.
Gracie: Yes, a snowstorm.
George: Well, if that's a snowstorm, then what's a blizzard?
Gracie: A blizzard is the inside of a chicken. Anybody knows that.
George: Then if that's a blizzard, what's a lizard?
Gracie: A lizard is a man that's smart... A genius.
George: Did something happen to you when you were a baby?
Gracie: When I was born I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
George: Gracie what do you think of television?
Gracie: I think it's wonderful- I hardly ever watch radio anymore.
Gracie: I'll never forget the night I had to call the doctor for my cousin Marie...she got up in the middle of the night and gave the biggest scream you ever heard.
George: What happened?
Gracie: We looked down and her feet had turned black.
George: What did you do?
Gracie: We sent for the doctor.
George: What did the doctor do?
Gracie: He took off her stockings and we all went back to sleep again.
Gracie: Blanche, I heard some gossip about you from a woman.
Blanche: Oh, what was it?
Gracie: I don't remember- I forgot it the minute I told it to her.
Jana Ruth
Author of "Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Funny Quotes
I'm apathetic and I don't care.
Graffiti
I'm marching to a different kettle of fish.
Graffiti
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Cher
The surest way to be alone is to get married.
Gloria Steinem
The difference between owning a book and borrowing a book is that when you own it you can get food on it.
Susan Catherine
Life is a glorious cycle of song.
A medley of extemporania:
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania
Dorothy Parker
You should always believe all you read in the newspapers, as this makes them more interesting.
Rose Macaulay
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton
There's not much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.
Gracie Allen
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
Mae West
Before the Iraq War started, a friend of mine proposed that Bush and Hussein go off to a small room together. I figured she'd say that the two of them should just slug it out. But no, she suggested that they go into the room, close the door, pull down their pants, and compare penis sizes. Whoever's was bigger, would be declared the winner and everybody could go home.
Ellen Orleans
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com
I'm apathetic and I don't care.
Graffiti
I'm marching to a different kettle of fish.
Graffiti
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Cher
The surest way to be alone is to get married.
Gloria Steinem
The difference between owning a book and borrowing a book is that when you own it you can get food on it.
Susan Catherine
Life is a glorious cycle of song.
A medley of extemporania:
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania
Dorothy Parker
You should always believe all you read in the newspapers, as this makes them more interesting.
Rose Macaulay
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton
There's not much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.
Gracie Allen
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
Mae West
Before the Iraq War started, a friend of mine proposed that Bush and Hussein go off to a small room together. I figured she'd say that the two of them should just slug it out. But no, she suggested that they go into the room, close the door, pull down their pants, and compare penis sizes. Whoever's was bigger, would be declared the winner and everybody could go home.
Ellen Orleans
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com
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