George Carlin Loved to Play With Words

George Carlin (May 12, 1937- June 22, 2008) loved words and played with them wonderfully. As a recovering stand-up comedian and humorist I loved George Carlin. I was lucky enough to see him perform live in the 1970's and very much appreciated how he transformed himself. He went from a comedian similar to Bob Hope, none connected one liners. He wore a suit and tie and had short hair. Influenced with the death of Lenny Bruce in the 1960's he took a break from comedy and found his voice. When he came back to comedy he had a beard and long hair and was very hip.

Below are examples of George Carlin and his love of words:

"I love words," it begins. "They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have, really."


“We have more words to describe dirty words than we actually have dirty words. They call them bad words, dirty, filthy, foul, vile, vulgar, course, in poor taste, unseemly, street talk, gutter talk, locker room language, barracks talk, bawdy, naughty, saucy, raunchy, rude, crude, lewd, lascivious, indecent, profane, obscene, blue, off-color, risqué, suggestive, cursin’, cussin’, swearin’ …”

"TV is full of sex humor. Television shows are constantly referring to it, he said. Entire plots and games shows are based on sex, and yet the word F*** can’t be said on television."

“Sometime during my life toilet paper became bathroom tissue ...” He observed. “Poor people used to live in slums, now the economically disadvantaged occupy substandard housing in the inner cities."

“They’re broke! They don’t have a negative cash flow position. They’re f***** broke! Because some of them were fired. You know, fired? Management wanted to curtail redundancies in the HR area so many people are no longer viable members of the work force."

“Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal its sins.”

“Thou shall always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nooky; and I shall try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you pray to.”

“The one I do resist is when they look at an old guy and they say, ‘Look at him, he’s 90-years-young. Imagine the fear of aging that reveals to not even be able to use the word ‘old’ to describe someone, to have to use the antonym."

“And fear of aging is natural. It’s universal. We all have that. No one wants to get old, no one wants to die, but we do—so we bullshit ourselves. I started bullshitting myself when I got to my 40s. As soon as I was in my 40s I would look in the mirror and say, ‘Well, I guess I’m getting … older.’ Older sounds a little better than old, doesn’t it? Sounds like it might even last a little bit longer. Bullshit! I’m getting old. And it’s OK, because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won’t have to die … I’ll pass away.”

So George Carlin has passed away, no as he prefers it George Carlin has died and he will no longer be able to play with the words he loves. And I already miss him and his play with words.

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.com

Penis Envy- I Have It!

Back in the 1960's and 1970's women were accused of having penis envy. We were accused of wanting to have that piece of flesh hanging between the legs. I don't want that piece of flesh hanging between my legs I want what that piece of flesh provides.

The Democratic Party and the campaign of Senator Clinton and Senator Obama pointed out how important the penis is. Having a penis, not the color of his skin HELPED Obama tremondously. Even though he was young and inexperienced, he had a penis. If he had had a vigina, he would have not even been allowed to run. People would have told him to go get some more experince.

What could a penis bring me? Below is my list:

1. More respect

2. Less chance of being raped

3. More pay

4. Less jokes made about my appearance, voice

5. More freedom to show my feminine side

6. More self-confidence and esteem

7. More opportunity to play professional sports

8. Better opportunity of having a career in stand-up comedy

9. Not having to do twice as much to be considered as good

10. Finally, it would bring me a wife who would take care of my children and all my needs.

I look forward to the day when the penis, isn't the most important part of the human body.

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.laughandlivehappier.com/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com/

Obama Modifies Trademark Suit for Puerto Rico Beach Visit

There was an article by Fernando Suarez from CBC News about Senator Clinton's visit to Puerto Rico today and the whole article is about what she is wearing and and the shoes she has on. In that spirit I am writing an article about Senator Obama's visit to Puerto Rico. Fernando Suarez's original article follows mine.

Barack Obama visited a small beach town this sunny afternoon where he as greeted by hundreds of unsuspecting beach goers who fought their way through security in hopes of getting a picture or a handshake from the former State Senator. Was he wearing bathing trunks you ask? Not quite, but he did ditch the navy blue suit with the red tie he wore to church this morning in favor of an island-chic red floral shirt with white pants. Flip-flops you ask? None. Obama trudged through the sand in pricey black leather, Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, as one male colleague noted. As Obama marched along the beach, Puerto Rican drummers banged away, making a hole for Obama to navigate through the masses, as though he were parading the streets of Rio De Janeiro during Carnival. When asked by a reporter what he thought of the welcome Obama said, holding his arms open, "This is pretty great, isn't it.?" Soon after posing for pictures, hugging and kissing supporters, "Island Barack" boarded his motorcade en route his next stop. It is unclear whether he will change back into his suit.


May 25, 2008, 1:46 PM
Clinton Modifies Trademark Pantsuit for Puerto Rico Beach Visit
Posted by Fernando Suarez 3

(CBS)From CBS News' Fernando Suarez: BOQUERON, P.R. -- Hillary Clinton visited a small beach town this sunny afternoon where she was greeted by hundreds of unsuspecting beach goers who fought their way through security in hopes of getting a picture or a handshake from the former First Lady. Was she wearing a bathing suit you ask? Not quite, but she did ditch the turquoise pantsuit she wore to church this morning in favor of an island-chic, pink floral tunic with white pants. Flip-flops you ask? Nope. Clinton trudged through the sand in pricey white leather, Salvatore Ferragamo open-back shoes, or slides, as one female colleague noted. As Clinton marched along the beach, Puerto Rican drummers banged away, making a hole for Clinton to navigate through the masses, as though she were parading the streets of Rio de Janeiro during Carnival. When asked by a reporter what she thought of the welcome Clinton said, holding her arms open, “This is pretty great, isn’t it?” Soon after posing for pictures, hugging and kissing supporters, "Island Hillary" boarded her motorcade en route her next stop. It is unclear whether she will change back into her pantsuit.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Jana Ruth Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life

http://www.janaruth.biz/

http://www.laughandlivehappier.com/

http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com/

It is Within!

A beggar had been sitting by the side of a road for over thirty years. One day a stranger walked by. "Spare some change?" mumbled the beggar, mechanically holding out his old baseball cap. "I have nothing to give you," said the stranger. Then he asked" "What's that you are sitting on?" "Nothing," replied the beggar. "Just an old box. I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember." "Ever looked inside?" asked the stranger. "No," said the beggar. "What's the point? There's nothing in there." "Have a look inside," insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold.

This story is from a great book by Eckhart Tolle entitled, "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment." If you haven't read it I highly recommend. And if you have read it, I recommend that you read it again.

So, what is this story suggesting? I believe it is telling us that all the answers to our questions reside in ourselves. I believe it is telling us that instead of looking for others to solve our problems we have the ability to solve our own problems. I believe it is telling us that instead of expecting others to make us happy, we need to make ourselves happy.

Folks, our joy, our happiness, our bliss, our spirituality is all within ourselves. We are responsible for our lives. We create our life, by our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We must stop being the victim and become the director of our life.

If it easy? No! Is it possible? Yes! If it was easy, we won't need religion, self-help books, motivational speakers. I think it is exciting to know that I can create my life and not just be a victim. What do you think?

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com

Five Things to Never Say to Me, a White, Older, College Graduate, Overweight Woman



Lately in the Diversity Magazines on-line edition, they have had articles about,"What not to say to African Americans, "What not to say to the Handicapped, "What not to say to Asians, and so on. So, Ladies, and Gentlemen, Boys, and Girls, and all others below are "Five Things Never to Say to Me, a White, Older, College Graduate, Overweight Woman:"



1. You don't look that OLD!


2. Why are YOU so grumpy?



3. I wish I could have experienced the 60's like you. You are SO LUCKY!



4. I am sorry, I didn't see YOU. (This one is when you have been standing in a store or restaurant and it is like you are invisible.)



5. Have you LOST WEIGHT?

Jana Ruth- Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life

http://www.janaruth.biz/

http://www.laughandlivehappier.com/

http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogpot.com/

Laughter Parties

During the 1970's and 1980's I went to more "Tupperware" parties than I even want to admit. For those of you who don't know what a "Tupperware" party is let me give a very short description. It is a party at some woman's home. Between five and ten women go to the hostess's house and a "Tupperware" advisor shows the latest tupper ware products, which can be purchased.

Back in the 70's and 80's it was a rite of passage for girls to go through. Before you could proclaim that you were a woman you had to grow breasts and go to at least 10 "Tupperware" parties.

I am suggesting that we replace "Tupperware" parties with "Laughter" parties. And these parties could be for both women and men. So a host, man, or woman, could host a party and invite people over and bring in a Laughter Leader, who could teach people to laugh without any reason.

There are "certified Laughter Leaders" throughout the world. To find these "Laughter Leaders," go to http://www.worldlaughtertour.org/ These "Laughter Leaders" could lead the guests through laughter exercises and for an hour people would laugh and help reduce stress and feel better about themselves and life.

So, America, let's do less "Tupperware" parties and do more "Laughter Parties." Be the first person on your block to host a "Laughter Party."

If interested call me at 480-600-5178.

E-mail me at janabanana15@cox.net

Let me know what you think. Who knows maybe we could bring in our old tupperware tops and "burp them shut."

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.laughandlivehappier.com/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com/

April Fool's Day

I am a Grinch and grump around most holidays but I do love April Fool's Day. I love the idea of fools and jesters, and practical jokes, and humor. I think this is the only holiday worth celebrating. We should exchange gifts of funny noses, and rubber chickens and whoopee cushions. Actually, April is Humor Month. So if you don't enjoy any other month enjoy April. Take yourself less seriously and laugh. Below is a history of April Fool's Day:

April Fool's Day History

The history of April Fool's Day or All Fool's Day is uncertain, but the current thinking is that it began around 1582 in France with the reform of the calendar under Charles IX. The Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved from March 25 - April 1 (new year's week) to January 1.

Communication traveled slowly in those days and some people were only informed of the change several years later. Still others, who were more rebellious refused to acknowledge the change and continued to celebrate on the last day of the former celebration, April 1. These people were labeled "fools" by the general populace, were subject to ridicule and sent on "fool errands," sent invitations to nonexistent parties and had other practical jokes played upon them. The butts of these pranks became known as a "poisson d'avril" or "April fish" because a young naive fish is easily caught. In addition, one common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke.

This harassment evolved over time and a custom of prank-playing continue on the first day of April. This tradition eventually spread elsewhere like to Britain and Scotland in the 18th century and was introduced to the American colonies by the English and the French. Because of this spread to other countries, April Fool's Day has taken on an international flavor with each country celebrating the holiday in its own way.

In Scotland, for instance, April Fool's Day is devoted to spoofs involving the buttocks and as such is called Taily Day. The butts of these jokes are known as April 'Gowk', another name for cuckoo bird. The origins of the "Kick Me" sign can be traced back to the Scottish observance.
In England, jokes are played only in the morning. Fools are called 'gobs' or 'gobby' and the victim of a joke is called a 'noodle.' It was considered back luck to play a practical joke on someone after noon.

In Rome, the holiday is known as Festival of Hilaria, celebrating the resurrection of the god Attis, is on March 25 and is also referred to as "Roman Laughing Day."
In Portugal, April Fool's Day falls on the Sunday and Monday before lent. In this celebration, many people throw flour at their friends.

The Huli Festival is celebrated on March 31 in India. People play jokes on one another and smear colors on one another celebrating the arrival of Spring.
So, no matter where you happen to be in the world on April 1, don't be surprised if April fools fall playfully upon you.

Material taken from:
http://www.april-fools.us/history-april-fools.htm

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com

The First "ISM"

The first thing we ask about a baby is it a girl or boy. As a baby boomer I have experienced "sexism" all of my life and I find it frustrating that Geraldine Ferraro's remark is only criticized about what she said about Obama's race, not about his gender. Her remark is below:

"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position," "And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is."

I don't agree with her statement that if he was a white man, he would not be in this position." I think if he was a white man he would. I do agree, however, that "if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position." Throughout my life, men less qualified, of all colors, have gotten positions, just because they are men. It is like the cartoon of the boy baby and the girl baby looking in their diapers and the girl baby saying, "Oh that explains our salary difference.

If Clinton and Obama switched ages and experiences I think things would be quite different. If Clinton was Obama's age and had his experience, she would never have even ran in the first place. People would have told her to get more experience. If Obama was Clinton's age and had her experience, he would already be the Democratic Presidential candidate. I think that being a man is very much to Obama's favor. People are, I believe more sexist than racist at this point in America. Many people, (all colors), would rather vote for a men any color than a woman, even if she is white.

Historically, black men have gotten their rights over women. Black men got the right to vote first and when early feminists like Elisabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony pointed that they didn't think that was fair they were called racists. Women are still not in the Constitution. Black, brown, any color man is less threatening to people than any color woman.

Throughout this campaign people are severely criticised for making racists comments but sexist comments are not frowned on and even encouraged. Until sexism is gone, non of the other "isms" will be gone. Racism, ageism, all other isms come from the mother of them all sexism.

My latest experience of sexism was a job that I applied for with four other candidates. Four of us were white women, with numerous advanced degrees in the area we were applying for and many years of experience. Three of us were already working in the department. The one lone male candidate was the least qualified, had no experience in the department and his degree was in another field. The organization that I was working for had just started a diversity program and the one lone male, who was African American was chosen.

I believe that if the tables were reversed and there had been four very qualified African American males, or any males, and a less qualified white woman had been hired, there would have been a price to pay. Don't tell me that sexism is less important than racism. Don't tell me that women now have all the rights they need. All I have to do is watch sports on television, and all I can find most of the time is men playing. When I go the movies, most of the stories are about men, and all most all the movies are directed by men.

Yes, racism exists, and women of color have it double. Not only are they dealing with sexism, they are also dealing with racism. I get very tired of hearing how hard it is for minority men, give me a break. As a woman I have it as bad or worse than you do. I still only make about 77 cents for every dollar you make. A new study shows:

One year out of college, women working full time earn 80 percent of what men earn, according to the study by the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation, based in Washington D.C. Ten years later, women earn 69 percent as much as men earn, it said Even as the study accounted for such factors as the number of hours worked, occupations or parenthood, the gap persisted, researchers said. "If a woman and a man make the same choices, will they receive the same pay?" the study asked. "The answer is no. "These unexplained gaps are evidence of discrimination, which remains a serious problem for women in the work force." Specifically, about one-quarter of the pay gap is attributable to gender - 5 percent one year after graduation and 12 percent 10 years after graduation, it said. One year out of college, men and women should arguably be the least likely to show a gender pay gap, the study said, since neither tend to be parents yet and they enter the work force without significant experience. "It surprised me that it was already apparent one year out of college, and that it widens over the first 10 years," Catherine Hill, AAUW director of research, told Reuters.

So, yes, sexism still exists and I wish the candidates would talk more about it, even Hillary. As a woman, I want this talked about because I think it is just as important if not more inportant than racism.

If Obama is elected it really won't be that much of a first, because we only have had men as president, and he is only half black, and we have had, historians tell us, Presidents before with mixed blood.

If Hillary wins it will be for me, a time to rejoice, because finally the best person won, and she is a woman.

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

No Two-Armed Hugs Lasting More Than Two Seconds

What? Come again? At Shepherd Junior High School, in Mesa, Arizona, there is a new policy against public displays of affection. It seems that principal Eileen Cahoon felt that PAD's (public display of affection) should not be allowed on campus. It seems this policy has been around for many years and is only being reinforced now as the results of an annual student survey, where one-fourth of Shepherd students thought kissing and hugging in the hallways was a major problem.

Principal Cahoon felt that as a result of the survey she needed to take action. She said, "students were allowed to shake hands and it would probably be OK for athletes at sporting events to congratulate each other with a hug. But hugging in the hallways was strictly forbidden."

So what is a "too long hug?" The hugs have to last less than two seconds. What happens to the students who break the rules? The punishment goes from verbal warning to suspension. How are students responding to this new policy? After school on Friday February 29, 2008 about 100 kids gathered chanting, "We want hugs." One student planned to wear a T-shirt that said: "More hugs, less war."

I don't know about you but to me this is funny, but sad. With all the research out about the importance of Emotional Intelligence, and the importance of expressing your feelings in a positive way, this seems to me to be going backwards. It reminds me of when I was in High School in the 1960's and girls could not wear patient leather shoes, because anyone could look at our shoes and the reflection would show up our skirt or dress (girls were not allowed to wear pants).

What are we so afraid of? Don't we have more important things to worry about than whether kids are hugging in the hallways? And does this mean that teachers are going to have to go around with stop watches to time the kids hugs? The principal did say that students could shake hands and stand close to one anther.

During the 1960's we had "sit-ins," maybe students in 2008 will have to have "hug-ins."

Jana Ruth
Author of "Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter,blogspot.com

You Gotta Laugh

I did one of my "Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life" workshops this week and I noticed something that I have noticed before, some people have the hardest time laughing. Now I am talking adults here, because children laugh all the time. Experts say that children laugh between 300 to 500 times a day and adults laugh between 8 to 15.

Children know that laughing is good for you and very fun. Adults think they have to have a reason to laugh. Laughter is physical and requires no reason. Most of the time, as adults, we laugh for no reason. Again experts have found that we laugh most of time just to be friendly and social. That there is no punch line.

Children, on the other hand, laugh all the time for all kinds of reasons. And who looks happier, children or adults? Children, of course, look happier and are happier.

Now the cool thing is that you can laugh for no reason. As William James said, "We don't laugh because we are happy, we are happy because we laugh. If you want to be happy you gotta laugh.

How to laugh? Just do it. Even if it is fake. You gotta do it. The body does not know the difference between fake and real. Women, does this sound like anyone you know? So you just say, "TEE HEE." TEE HEE", and force a laugh out. Endorphins are released and you feel better. Endorphins are the body's natural pain killer.

Another very cool thing is laughter is exercise. So if you are like me and whenever you feel like exercising, you just lay down until the thought goes away, you can exercise by laughing.

Besides thinking we have to have a reason for laughing, why do adults stop laughing. I think another reason is that we think if we laugh we are giving up control. Some of us are so concerned with always being in control and we hate the thought of losing control.

I don't know about you but I would rather be happy than worry about losing control and I just gotta laugh. What about you?

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

Bad Word- Liberal

Since when did being a liberal become such a bad word? Today, Mitt Romney and John McCain accused each other of being a liberal. "Oh my, say it aint's so." I remember as a child, when the worst thing you could call someone was a communist. In fact, my Dad, would say "he would rather be red, than dead."

The Democrats are bringing up race and gender, so I guess the Republicans need to bring up something that is as scary to some as a woman President or African American president, so they are calling each other liberals.

It is like the song, "I can sing better than you. No, you can't. Yes, I can." "No, you can't." Yes, I can." "No, you can't." It is like Mitt and John are saying to to each, "You are a Liberal." No I'm not." "Yes, you are." "No, I'm not." It is like Will Rogers said, "I don't do political jokes, because too often they are elected."

I guess my question is why would anything want to be president? And than spend millions and millions of money to become president? I think we should just save all the money the politicians spend and use it for health care, or our economy, or getting us out of Iraqi.

I would vote enthusiastically for the person, man, woman, child, white, black, green, who said they were only going to spend a couple thousand dollars to run for President. That person, I would believe wanted to make a difference, and wasn't just on a power trip. I won't even mind if they were a liberal black lesbian midget.

"Territorial Governors--are nothing but politicians who go out to the outskirts of countries and suffer the privations there in order to build up stakes and come back as United States Senators." Mark Twain's Autobiography

"No matter how healthy a man's morals may be when he enters the White House, he comes out again with a pot-marked soul." quoted in My Father Mark Twain, Clara Clemens

"History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise." New York Herald, 8/26/1876

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators."
Will Rogers US humorist & showman (1879 - 1935)

Jana Ruth author of "Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

We Are Reflections of Each Other


We are reflections of each other. How scary is that? I can't like or dislike something about someone, unless I liked or dislike it in myself. How scary is that?

Actually it is not scary at all. I can, if I am open to it , learn from other people. And so can you. People, I believe come into our lives for a reason. They are a gift and they are meant to teach us a lesson.

We can learn about ourselves from both the positive and negative people that show up. The research suggest that positive people hang with positive and negative people hang with negative people. Successful people hang with successful people, non successful people hang with non successful people.

So what my Mom said, about watching my friends, or that my friends determined what kind of person I was, or going to become, was right on. Your friends, like everything else in your life are what you attract. So if I want to attract positive people into my life, I need to be positive.

I have, like I am sure many people have, been in some very negative relationships, both personally and professionally, and wondered why "I such a nice person," was with such negative people. Looking back now I realize that I was in a very negative place in my life, and attracting people that I felt I deserved.

Until we are happy with ourselves and love ourselves we can't attract anyone who will be happy or love us.



I am looking for you:

Are you good at sales and or marketing?
Do you like to laugh?
Do you have some time each week to spare?
Are you looking to make money based on your own efforts?
Do you want to work from your own home?

If you answered yes to three or more out of the five please call me at 480-600-5178 or janabanana15@cox.net



Jana Ruth- Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

Some Good Jokes

I hope you enjoy these jokes:

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a Bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road .

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at EVERYTHING she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade....."


Old Versus New

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire.

"The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner? "

The young rooster said, "Beat it: You are done and I am taking over," the old rooster says "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair I will give you a head start. "The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squalking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and- BOOM he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says "Dammit..... third gay rooster I bought this month.

Moral of this story? . Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!

Bikers

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in.The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then he took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver, either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

Jana Ruth- Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life

www.janaruth.biz

www.laughandlivehappier.com

www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

Gracie Allen

One of my favorite comedians was Gracie Allen. Gracie Allen was born Grace Cecile Rosalie Allen in San Francisco in 1895 To Margaret (Darraugh) and George Allen Her father toured the vaudeville circuit as a song and dance man, and at the age of three or four she appeared in his act dressed in a top hat and suit. In 1922 she met George Burns and the unique talent of Gracie Allen to be unconsciously funny made the Burns and Allen the greatest husband and wife comedy team of all time. Some of their most famous lines are below:

George: Did you ever hear that silence is golden?
Gracie: No, what station are they on?
George: It's an adage, you know what an adage is?
Gracie: Oh sure, that's where you keep your old trunks.

George: Do you like to love?
Gracie: No.
George: Do you like to kiss?
Gracie: No.
George: What do you like?
Gracie: Lamb chops.
George: A little girl like you, can you eat two big lamb chops alone?
Gracie: No, but with potatoes I could.

Gracie: Did you know my brother was held up by two men last night?
George: For how much?
Gracie: Oh, all the way home!

George: You're absolutely brilliant. I'm beginning to think you are a wizard.
Gracie: I'm a wizard?
George: Yes. You know what a wizard is.
Gracie: Yes, a snowstorm.
George: Well, if that's a snowstorm, then what's a blizzard?
Gracie: A blizzard is the inside of a chicken. Anybody knows that.
George: Then if that's a blizzard, what's a lizard?
Gracie: A lizard is a man that's smart... A genius.
George: Did something happen to you when you were a baby?
Gracie: When I was born I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

George: Gracie what do you think of television?
Gracie: I think it's wonderful- I hardly ever watch radio anymore.

Gracie: I'll never forget the night I had to call the doctor for my cousin Marie...she got up in the middle of the night and gave the biggest scream you ever heard.
George: What happened?
Gracie: We looked down and her feet had turned black.
George: What did you do?
Gracie: We sent for the doctor.
George: What did the doctor do?
Gracie: He took off her stockings and we all went back to sleep again.

Gracie: Blanche, I heard some gossip about you from a woman.
Blanche: Oh, what was it?
Gracie: I don't remember- I forgot it the minute I told it to her.

Jana Ruth
Author of "Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

Funny Quotes

I'm apathetic and I don't care.
Graffiti

I'm marching to a different kettle of fish.
Graffiti

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Cher

The surest way to be alone is to get married.
Gloria Steinem

The difference between owning a book and borrowing a book is that when you own it you can get food on it.
Susan Catherine

Life is a glorious cycle of song.
A medley of extemporania:
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania
Dorothy Parker

You should always believe all you read in the newspapers, as this makes them more interesting.
Rose Macaulay

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton

There's not much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.
Gracie Allen

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
Mae West

Before the Iraq War started, a friend of mine proposed that Bush and Hussein go off to a small room together. I figured she'd say that the two of them should just slug it out. But no, she suggested that they go into the room, close the door, pull down their pants, and compare penis sizes. Whoever's was bigger, would be declared the winner and everybody could go home.
Ellen Orleans

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com

Tis The Season to be Blue

This is the time of year, where many of us feel blue. This is the time of year, where many of us feel depressed. This is the time of year, where many of us feel frustrated. This is the time of year, where many of us feel disappointed.

We are told that we should be happy. We are told that we should feel joy. We are told that we should feel grateful. We are told that we should feel like giving to others. We are told that we should feel excited.

Too often we are tired. Too often we spend too much money. Too often we don't have the energy. Too often we spend too much time, energy and money, in two months, and we spend the next ten months trying to make it up.

I have to ask WHY? What is the reason we do these things. Why don't we make things simpler. I remember my Mom would run herself ragged for the holidays and than feel very disappointed after it was all over.

It is getting so bad that we have Christmas music on the radio now even before Thanksgiving. So what can we do to be less stressed during the holidays. Below is my top ten list.

1. Lower your expectations
2. Keep it simple
3. Laugh
4. Get extra sleep
5. Set a realistic budget and stick to it
6. Laugh
7. Spend more time with family and friends instead or shopping for presents for family and friends
8. Set a limit on what you spend on each gift
9. Laugh
10. Make up your mind to have fun, no matter what

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.laughandlivehappier.com/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com/

Lessons from the Wizard of Oz



The Wizard of Oz has some wonderful lessons on how to live a happy and productive life. Let me explain. Dorothy and Toto find themselves due to a tornado in a strange land. Dorothy immediately has a long term goal. She wants to get back to Kansas. And because she does not know how to achieve it, she starts asking questions, and for help to get back to Kansas. We all need long term goals for our life, and a life purpose. Once we have that, we need to do as Dorothy did and ask questions and ask for help. By asking the questions she found a solution to her long term goal. The solution became her short term goal and that solution was to see the Wizard of Oz, who she was told, could help her.

So she set out down the "Yellow Brick Road." Almost immediately she meets the Scarecrow, and helped him get off the post he was on. His long term goal was to get a "brain," and Dorothy invited him to join her to see the Wizard. Now they could help each other and they both had the same short term goal to go to the Wizard. In life, we meet people who we can help and in turn they can help us. So Dorothy, Toto, and the Scarecrow, set off to see the Wizard.

They hadn't gone far down the "Yellow Brick Road," when they ran into the Tin Man. They helped oil him so that he could move again, and his long term goal was to get a "heart." His short term goal was the same as Dorothy, and the Scarecrow, to go to the Wizard. Now there support group, and network was increasing.

A little further down the "Yellow Brick Road," they ran into the Cowardly Lion. The Cowardly Lion tried to scare Toto, and Dorothy hit the Cowardly Lion in the nose, and he started to cry. It turns out his long term goal was to have courage, and so he joined the group to obtain his short term goal of going to the Wizard. Now the group was complete.

The group set off to visit the Wizard, who would help them with their goals. But immediately, they ran into an obstacle or barrier. The Wicked Witch caused the poppy field that they were going through to be poisonous, and they fell asleep. Now in life, we will run into barriers, and we will need help in the form of mentors (or femtors) to help us, as Glenda. the Good Witch provided. Glenda, the Good Witch made it snow and therefore woke up Dorothy, Toto, and their friends.

Because of this obstacle or barrier, Dorothy and her friends could have decided to give up, but they didn't. They still wanted to reach their long and short term goals, so they set off down "The Yellow Brick Road."
How many of us give up on our dreams when we ran into a obstacle or barrier?

They reach the Wizard and he tells them that he won't grant them their wishes until they bring back the Wicked Witch's broom. Well, now their goals have changed. They still have their individual long term goals, but their common short term goal has now changed. It is to get the Wicked Witch's broom. They are not really sure how they are going to do this. Dorothy thinks that if they just ask, maybe the Wicked Witch will give it to them. The others think that Dorothy may have smoked some of the poppies they went through. They know the Wicked Witch will not give up her broom without a fight.

After all, the Wicked Witch is not too happy about the fact that Dorothy and her house fell on and killed her sister. And the Wicked Witch wants the Emerald Slippers, which Dorothy stole off her sister's feet. Along the way to the Wicked Witch's castle, the Wicked Witch sends her Winged Monkey's who tear the scarecrow apart, and take Dorothy and Toto to her castle. The Wicked Witch has an hour glass and she warns Dorothy that she will kill her and take the slippers within the hour if Dorothy doesn't give them to her. Toto escapes and runs to find the others and leads them to Dorothy.

In the meantime the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion have put the stuffing back into the Scarecrow and he is all better. About that time Toto finds the three friends and leads them to the castle. The three work together and plan their rescue of Dorothy. They knock off some of the guards that are marching in front of the castle and slip in as guards. The Cowardly Lion has to hide his tail under his uniform.

As a child watching the movie I always thought they took too much time hugging and kissing Dorothy, when they found her. And sure enough in their reunion celebration the Wicked Witch founds them. She is not a happy camper, or even witch, and takes her broom and puts it in a fire and is going to kill the Scarecrow by putting him on fire. Dorothy in an act of courage, grabs some water, and tosses it on the Scarecrow and the Wicked Witch, and she starts to melt, and says very dramatically, "I'm melting, melting." It was very cool.

Now this unlikely group of friends or support group, had accomplished their short term goal of getting the broom. Their individual long term goals are still all in place. Getting the broom back to the Wizard, becomes their short term goal. Since the Wicked Witch is dead that is a easy goal to achieve.

They take the broom back to the Wizard and this is where they find out that the Wizard is a fake. However, from him they learn some important lessons. The Scarecrow is given a diploma from the Wizard, but learns that all along he already had a "brain" and was smart. He just needed someone to believe in him, or tell him so that he could believe in himself. The Tin Man is given a clock, shaped like a "heart," and he discovers that he always had a "heart." He just needed the Wizard to point this out to him. The Cowardly Lion was given a bravery medal from the Wizard, and like the others he always had "courage" within himself, he just needed someone to point it out.

Dorothy then says, "What about me." The Wizard says, "I am an old Kansas man, and now that I am found out, I want to go back to Kansas. And I just happen to have a balloon that will take us there." After all the speeches and crying and hugging, Dorothy and Toto get on the balloon with the Wizard, and right when the balloon starts to go up, Toto runs off the balloon, and of course Dorothy, won't leave her beloved Toto.

The Wizard can't stop the balloon, and he leaves Dorothy and Toto. Dorothy now is very upset and believes that she will never get home. At this time Glenda, the Good Witch, comes to the rescue. She tells Dorothy that she always had the power to get home; she just needed someone to tell her. Glenda, the Good Witch tells her to click her heels together three times and say, "There is no place like home." Dorothy does that and she wakes up in her home with her Auntie Em and Uncle.

So the lessons of the Wizard of Oz are:

• Have short term and long term goals and change them to meet your needs
• Ask questions and for help
• Have a strong support group of people who support you and who you support
• Know that you will encounter barrier or obstacles and still believe in yourself and your goals
• Have mentors and femtors that help you
• Know that all the skills, knowledge, and talent that you need is already inside of you
• Believe in yourself and your dreams
• Have a purpose for your life and write it down

Jana Ruth

Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life

www.janaruth.biz

www.laughandlivehappier.com

www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com

Some Comedy Quotes

OK, every time the president comes up with a new secret tactic to take down al Queda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our e-mails, secret prisons, all perfectly reasonable, temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war of terror.

- Steve Colbert

Ladies and gentlemen, the face of evil, the Hitler of our generation. Let's hear his terrifying words (on screen: Ahmadinejad claiming that there are no homosexuals in Iran)... That's so interesting that there are no homosexuals in Iran because in America, there are no homosexuals in our conservative movement either.

- Jon Stewart

If I had known this would have made you so happy, I would have told you years ago.

J.K. Rowling- author of the "Harry Potter" series, on the gasps and giggles that seized her audience at an event in New York after she casually revealed that Dumbledore, the fictional headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay.

Every family has a black sheep.

Bill Burton, spokesperson for presidential candidate Barack Obama, on the revelation that Vice President Dick Cheney is a distant cousin of Obaam's.

New Rule: For the next 18 months, let Brush be Reagan. A completely dissociative personality who lets the real work of the nation go on elsewhere, while he sits behind his desk and hums. I don't think the problem is that Bush lives in a bubble. I say make the bubble thicker. Use the armor we can't get to the troops. For example on this whole "bomb Iran" thing. Let's not, and just tell him we did. Who's going to tell him the truth? Rove? Gonzales? Rummy? Scooter? Harriet Miers? It's like a haunted house. The douche bag cupboard is bare. According to the Times of London, the Air Force has drawn up plans for massive strikes against 1,200 targets in Iran. The plan doesn't just call for eliminating Iran's nuclear program, but for taking out its entire military in one blow. Can Brush destroy another country's whole army? Why not? He did it to ours. We'll get Condi to slip him a note. "Mr. President, Iran is free!" And he'll scribble some garbled bullshit on it. like "let freedom Purple Rain" and that will be that. Mission Accomplished. Oh, and the astronauts you sent to Mars just called. They said to say, "hi."

- Bill Maher

I stay away from the miserable people, because misery does love company. Just look at a fly strip. You never see a fly stuck there saying. "Go around." Go around."

- Margaret Smith

Laugh. Just Laugh.

We possess one of the most powerful ways to stay happy and healthy and it is laughter. Children know this. They laugh about 300 to 400 times a day. We, as adults have forgotten how to laugh. We laugh about 8 to 15 times. Laughter is physical. Humor is mental. You do not have to have a reason to laugh. Let me repeat that. You do not have to have a reason to laugh.

If you look for laughter it will find you. William James, considered the father of modern education said, "We don't laugh, because we are happy, we are happy because we laugh." If some of us waited to be happy before we laughed we would never laugh. Or as Oscar Wilde said, "Life is too important to take seriously."

I totally believe in the Law of Attraction, which tells that what we focus on we get. If I focus on my life being serious, it will be serious. If I focus on my life being happy, and fun, and full of laughter. It will be happy, and fun, and full of laughter.

I don't know about you but I want happiness, fun, and laughter in my life. So, what are some things you might do? Try doing the following, which come from my book, Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life:

• Pledge to yourself that every person you run across during the day you will help smile or laugh.


• Use exaggeration to help get perspective. Jokingly expand the situation to life and death proportions.


• Be more playful. Try being dramatic, silly, and improvisational. Others will pick up your spirit and laughter.


• Remember personal stories from your own lives that, in retrospect, are humorous. Offer these anecdotes as an antidote when others encounter problems,


• When an embarrassing moment happens to you share it with your friends and family.


• Make a list of potential stressful situations and prepare humorous responses.


• Carry a funny picture, cartoon, or joke, in your wallet or purse and look at it when you are feeling depressed.
  
• Hang out with people who laugh and find joy in their life
  

Most important Laugh. Just Laugh.

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.laughandlivehappier.com/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com/

The Twelve Pathways

In 1972 The Twelve Pathways were created by Ken Keyes, Jr,. author of "The Hundredth Monkey, and "How to Enjoy Your Life In Spite of It All," and other books. The The Twelve Pathways is just as valuable today as it was in 1972 that is why I am sharing it with you and excited about it. These Pathways are a modern, practical condensation of thousands of accumulated wisdom.

Many of the concepts in The Twelve Pathways are similar to the concepts from The Secret. they relate to the Law of Attraction. The concept that you create your reality with your thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings that create our behavior. You are the creator of your life.

It is highly suggested that you use The Twelve Pathways in interpreting your moment-to-moment stream of consciousness. By doing so it can lead you into higher consciousness and enable you to find the love, happiness, wisdom, and fulfillment that is your birthright in life.

To benefit the most from The Twelve Pathways, memorize them word perfectly. Memorizing them is the best way to have them readily available when you need them. By memorizing them you will not have to paraphrase or put them in other words. Each of The Pathways is loaded with several systematically interlocking concepts that help you create a more harmonious enjoyment of your life.

The Twelve Pathways

Freeing Myself

1. I am freeing myself from security, sensation and power addictions that make me try to forcefully control situations in my life, and thus destroy my serenity and keep me from loving myself and others.

2. I am discovering how my consciousness dominating addictions create my illusory version of the changing world of people and situations around me.

3. I welcome the opportunity (even if painful) that my minute-to-minute experience offers me to become aware of the addictions I must reprogram to be liberated from my robot-like emotional patterns.

Be Here Now

4. I always remember that I have everything I need to enjoy my here and now- unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.

5. I take fully responsibility here and now for everything I experience, for it is my own programming that creates my actions and influences the reactions of people around me.

6. I accept myself completely here and now consciously experience everything I feel, think, say, and do (including my emotion-backed addictions) as a necessary part of my growth into higher consciousness

Interacting With Others

7. I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keeps me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.

8. I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.

9. I act freely when I am tuned in, centered, and loving, but if possible I avoid acting when I am upset and depriving myself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.

Discovering My Conscious Awareness

10. I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to perceive the finer energies that enable me to intuitively merge with everything around me.

11. I am constantly aware of which of the Seven Centers of Consciousness ( 1. The Security Center, 2. The Sensation Center, 3. The Power Center, 4. The Love Center, 5. The Cornucopia Center, 6. The Conscious Awareness Center, 7. The Cosmic Consciousness Center), I am using, and I feel my energy, perceptiveness, love, and inner peace growing as I open all the Centers of Consciousness.

12. I am perceiving everyone, including myself as an awakening being who is here to claim his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.

I believe that if we all followed The Twelve Pathways, we would find a happier, healthier, and more Laughing World.

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
janabanana15@cox.net
http://www.janaruth.biz/
http://www.onewomanslaughter.blogspot.com/