Funny Quotes

I'm apathetic and I don't care.
Graffiti

I'm marching to a different kettle of fish.
Graffiti

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Cher

The surest way to be alone is to get married.
Gloria Steinem

The difference between owning a book and borrowing a book is that when you own it you can get food on it.
Susan Catherine

Life is a glorious cycle of song.
A medley of extemporania:
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania
Dorothy Parker

You should always believe all you read in the newspapers, as this makes them more interesting.
Rose Macaulay

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton

There's not much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.
Gracie Allen

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
Mae West

Before the Iraq War started, a friend of mine proposed that Bush and Hussein go off to a small room together. I figured she'd say that the two of them should just slug it out. But no, she suggested that they go into the room, close the door, pull down their pants, and compare penis sizes. Whoever's was bigger, would be declared the winner and everybody could go home.
Ellen Orleans

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone

Jana Ruth
Author of Laugh and Live Happier: P.L.A.Y.S. for Life
www.janaruth.biz
www.laughandlivehappier.com
www.onewomanslaughter.blogstop.com