Some Comedy Quotes

OK, every time the president comes up with a new secret tactic to take down al Queda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our e-mails, secret prisons, all perfectly reasonable, temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war of terror.

- Steve Colbert

Ladies and gentlemen, the face of evil, the Hitler of our generation. Let's hear his terrifying words (on screen: Ahmadinejad claiming that there are no homosexuals in Iran)... That's so interesting that there are no homosexuals in Iran because in America, there are no homosexuals in our conservative movement either.

- Jon Stewart

If I had known this would have made you so happy, I would have told you years ago.

J.K. Rowling- author of the "Harry Potter" series, on the gasps and giggles that seized her audience at an event in New York after she casually revealed that Dumbledore, the fictional headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay.

Every family has a black sheep.

Bill Burton, spokesperson for presidential candidate Barack Obama, on the revelation that Vice President Dick Cheney is a distant cousin of Obaam's.

New Rule: For the next 18 months, let Brush be Reagan. A completely dissociative personality who lets the real work of the nation go on elsewhere, while he sits behind his desk and hums. I don't think the problem is that Bush lives in a bubble. I say make the bubble thicker. Use the armor we can't get to the troops. For example on this whole "bomb Iran" thing. Let's not, and just tell him we did. Who's going to tell him the truth? Rove? Gonzales? Rummy? Scooter? Harriet Miers? It's like a haunted house. The douche bag cupboard is bare. According to the Times of London, the Air Force has drawn up plans for massive strikes against 1,200 targets in Iran. The plan doesn't just call for eliminating Iran's nuclear program, but for taking out its entire military in one blow. Can Brush destroy another country's whole army? Why not? He did it to ours. We'll get Condi to slip him a note. "Mr. President, Iran is free!" And he'll scribble some garbled bullshit on it. like "let freedom Purple Rain" and that will be that. Mission Accomplished. Oh, and the astronauts you sent to Mars just called. They said to say, "hi."

- Bill Maher

I stay away from the miserable people, because misery does love company. Just look at a fly strip. You never see a fly stuck there saying. "Go around." Go around."

- Margaret Smith